S2.E11. Career Advancement, Emotional Tax, Finding Mentors and Immigrant Family Dynamics w. Amy Sylla

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[00:00:33] We started off by talking about careers. We talk about navigating the career space, setting boundaries, how you deal with the emotional tax that racialized them, black women face. We also talk about the different types of mentors you would need, how you can use LinkedIn to your advantage. And how to transition into a new career if you don't have any experience. There are So many gems. I hope you have a notebook ready because you are going to learn something new. In this conversation. Let's get started.

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[00:01:09] Natalie: Hi everyone and welcome to another episode of from a full cup. I am so excited to have with me today. Amy, welcome to the show.

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[00:01:21] Natalie: I'd love to start with our opening segment. This filled my cup and I'd love for you to share your feedback on a past episode.

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[00:01:46] Amy: So there were quotes that I particularly like it was, I am not in a rush. Success meets me where I'm at. So it was a really good reminder for myself to. Know how to just create some room and create a road map where I prioritize fulfilling action first, and then I will see what I can do with the rest.

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[00:02:25] Mhm.

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[00:02:50] Amy: Question, because I think this is often overlooked and people will not think about it, but actually this specific one.

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[00:03:26] Amy: Then for the biases of you see as a black woman, and I'm thinking of a racialized woman, many of us face unequal opportunities, wage gap, and challenges in our career progression due to systemic biases, but also stereotype. And when you look at it, it's the term equity, diversity, and inclusion, it's still kind of new, but despite of it, because sometimes it can become a buzz word, you still have a lot of organizations that lack of inclusion and diverse work environment.

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[00:04:22] Amy: So here it is, the genders, the race, ethnicity, but also the disability, and then it will trigger the needs to be constantly on guard and leading to negative effect on the mental health and the feeling of isolation and making it difficult then to try that work.

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[00:04:54] Amy: 1000%. And I didn't know it was called emotional tax until 2020. I was doing a certification in equity, diversity and inclusion.

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[00:05:39] Amy: But then I didn't realize that I was getting a lot of different emotion, a lot of anger, a lot of frustration and it was having an impact on my mental health. And I was thinking about it after work. And then I was having anxiety about coming back to the workplace because I knew I will have, again, one more time, I have to deal with these individual and being on guard and just having to suck it up, whereas I'm fulfilled.

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[00:06:13] Natalie: So then, how did you go from being in that place to, you know, taking on this role as in equity and diversity and inclusion, lead? And how did you get yourself out of that state of feeling just emotionally taxed and burdened?

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[00:06:41] Amy: I've always wanted to create my platform and create a safe space where I will cover race and cross cultural topics in today's society, but I was afraid of doing it, right? Because of the imposter syndrome, my thick French accent, making some mistake, you know? And George Floyd happened and I said, enough, it's enough.

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[00:07:32] Amy: And, um, everyone was starting to listen. I was having. to 200 people sometimes attending the conversation and I was inviting experts. Right, to discuss on the topic, I did an episode on the strong black, the stereotype of the strong black woman. How, um, the murder of George Floyd is affecting men's mental health.

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[00:08:13] Amy: So one of my guests, actually, her name was Brittany Cole, and it was for an episode in equity, diversity, and inclusion. And another one, his name is Dr. Todd Jenkins. They were rooting for me and they were supporting me and they kind of became. Mentors and I told them, okay, if I want to do like you, because they were expert in media, I say, how can I get there?

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[00:09:04] Amy: And a few months later, I got hired.

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[00:09:25] Natalie: And you responded to the call and I love that you didn't know exactly what to do, but you just asked questions and you surrounded yourself with people who are already doing similar things. And then you said to them, how can I do the same? How can I, and I think a lot of times in life, we feel like we have to have all the answers and we might be a little shy or nervous to approach other people, but there are a lot of people who are really willing to be mentors or to just even give.

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[00:10:14] Natalie: And then look, lo and behold, the job is coming to you. I love that. Yes,

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[00:10:37] Amy: Find a passion project find something that fulfill you if you do not like your job by something on the on the side that will feel you and the rest will come.

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[00:11:10] Natalie: What are some boundaries that they can set at work that would actually help them be more successful at work and also maintain their well being?

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[00:11:38] Amy: Right? So, first, try to have a conversation, an honest conversation with your manager. You report to someone, making sure that this person Understand your way of communicating, receiving the information and, how to set you up for success and how to try. Something, for example, that we develop within my team, it's a productivity profile, meaning that you send a form to people within your team, and you just answer, this is how I prefer to communicate.

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[00:12:30] Amy: What is the type of management, right, that allow you to thrive in the workplace? Having this conversation and making sure that once you define what works for you, communicate about it with everyone. And make sure that everyone understand and respect your boundaries. Because I believe it's the same type, the same concept of the love languages.

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[00:13:13] Amy: Well, at the workplace it's the same. Make sure that you, they speak your language so that you can thrive in the workplace.

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[00:13:31] Natalie: I actually think that this is a good conversation to have internally first, like, do you even know what environment you thrive in, right? Because you can't communicate it if you haven't identified it for yourself.

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[00:13:45] Natalie: so, and even just like the values and the things that are important to you. So I know for myself, meritocracy is very important to me.

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[00:14:13] Natalie: I'm going to be keeping a list of all the things I'm doing for this company. And I'm going to need you to recognize them and reward me and compensate me because I will go hard, right? Like I get really passionate about things. So if I enjoy my work, I'll go really hard for it, but it's not to be in vain.

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[00:14:43] Natalie: So I know if it's too many Slack messages back and forth about something that's complex, I'm going to be like, you know what, can you just call me or can we huddle? I like to talk. So I'm like, it's just easier to talk this out in conversation instead of people typing back and forth.

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[00:15:22] Natalie: No,

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[00:15:38] Natalie: And I think we have to advocate for the things that we need that are going to help us to work, to work better.

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[00:16:00] Natalie: And, you know, um, I just, it's better to just lay that out from the very beginning, because I think what happens is some people keep getting called into meetings, like, you know, past their time or other things. And they don't speak up for themselves at first, it becomes the expectation.

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[00:16:28] Natalie: It is not the norm. And nobody should expect that from me because I've made it clear.

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[00:16:54] Amy: And then it will be really hard to reverse the situation. So try your best early on to also yourself, respect your boundaries. Because if you do not respect your own boundaries, how do you want people to respect them?

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[00:17:16] Natalie: And, it's also important to think about company culture. So when you're coming into a team or you're looking for a new job, look, what is the culture like? Because if the culture before you has always been, well, everybody works late nights, everybody works on the weekend, we all are on our phones. 24 seven.

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[00:17:39] Amy: So,

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[00:18:00] Natalie: But if you just know organizationally, everybody's stressed, nobody takes vacation, everybody's burnt out, you know, just backpedal and find something else because it's just not worth it for your mental health. Exactly.

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[00:18:20] Natalie: So where do you see intersections between careers and other dimensions of wellness within the workplace? And just before you answer that, I'm going to share with you what the 12 elements of wellness are, and feel free to bring any of these together. But we think of wellness, we think of body, air, food.

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[00:18:53] Amy: That is a really interesting question, because I feel that there are so many aspects that interconnect. So first mindset of purpose, I will get with this one first because I've shared my story. There is a huge difference once you work somewhere where you are fulfilled and happy and you feel that this is your purpose.

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[00:19:44] Amy: Right? So if you end up working in a toxic environment where there is, for example, micromanagement, and gossiping, and kind of bullying, or harassment, It will have an impact on your mental health and you will deal with that also afterwards the concept of emotional text as well that I was explaining before.

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[00:20:33] Amy: And we've seen that, for example, with COVID and the pandemic where we were all working remotely, what happened to us, we sat the entire day. And actually we worked longer hours and we ate more. And because of that, it took a toll on people's body. A lot of people gain weight. Caught diabetes, um, as back issue, neck issue, because they were not stretching, they were not having the opportunity to move as much, right?

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[00:21:35] Amy: If your salary does not allow you to pay your bills You Or bring you stress or not allow you to take care of yourself or your family Of course, it will have an impact on your health, right? So this is also a really important aspect and people don't think about it sometimes but that's why you need to be really careful and intentional when you're looking for a job because It can have so many different impact on areas of multiple areas of your life.

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[00:22:22] Natalie: Okay. Your piece. Matters so much more. Your peace of mind is priceless

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[00:22:41] Natalie: There's too much anxiety. You're still working on the weekends. And let me pause for a sec, because I understand everybody has a different work schedule. So I'm not saying that 9 to 5, Monday to Friday is the only kind of work, but there is some kind of understanding of what your work hours are.

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[00:23:15] Natalie: Right? If every time you tense up, if you get a message, if you get an email, if you get a notification, these are signs that your body is under stress, it's under duress. And the job is causing that. So you have to ask yourself, Is it worth it? And what happens if I continue to go down this path? Because the thing is, we don't think about what the longterm.

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[00:23:57] Natalie: You kind of talked about some of these things in the body where our body is no longer responding because it's now going through chronic issues, right? Even simple things like just fresh air and sunlight people aren't getting it anymore. So it's really important to consider this job that I am working at or this career path that I'm choosing this company that I want to work for, can I manage my wellbeing in a way that makes sense to me in a way that I want to.

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[00:24:38] Natalie: It takes a lot of work and it's not even guaranteed.

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[00:24:50] Natalie: Yeah, I think listening to your body is sometimes actually the first indicator. Like if you just notice heart palpitations, if you notice you have headaches, if you notice you're tense, like all of these are signals that something else is happening internally, and now you can investigate and see.

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[00:25:21] Natalie: it's just a very interesting experience and one of those experiences, you know is parents kind of telling you what job to choose, what aspiration and it can be kind of overbearing, right? Like, sometimes these parents only kind of have one way of seeing and they mean the best for you, right?

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[00:25:51] Natalie: I want you to talk a little bit about the family dynamics and, and you were sharing kind of your own personal experience about what is it like to kind of have to stand up to your parents and really kind of say, put your foot down for what it is you want for your career path

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[00:26:16] Amy: I want you to be a doctor or anything related to bank or finance because they will always Prioritize the safety. Over the fulfillment, right? But as we were just saying a few minutes ago, we're living now in a day and age where being happy and fulfilled in your job is essential for your mental health.

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[00:27:10] Amy: Please, I am begging you, do not, do not launch your platform. And I did not listen. I launched my platform and I told my dad, I said, listen, I am not going to call out people. I am not going to be rude. It's actually a platform where I'm amplifying marginalized voices and we are sharing our respective experiences In a respective way.

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[00:28:01] Amy: I did not say anything. I just sent the link of the call, of the, of the conversation, and he tuned in, and he listened on his own, right, because there is another thing for immigrant kids or racialized kids in that dynamic that you need to understand and be okay with, is that due to the generational and the cultural gaps, right?

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[00:28:49] Amy: I did not tell them that I was interviewing. I just told them once I got the job offer. Okay. Right. And once they see that you are happier and you are able to pay your bills and, um, you can take care of yourself and on your health, and if you have a family, you can take care of your family as well. They will be okay with it over time.

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[00:29:27] Natalie: Do it scary.

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[00:29:50] Amy: I was crying so hard at that time, being so afraid. I remember I called Dr. Bottei Jenkins and I said, I Don't think I'm gonna do it. My dad doesn't want me to do it. I'm afraid. And he told me, here is what you're gonna do. Here is what you're gonna say to your dad. Trust yourself. Trust your gut. You're doing a good thing right now.

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[00:30:37] Amy: Just find one or two person that will just remind you that you that girl, right? Or you that man, but right now, obviously, I will mention Beyonce always somewhere. But, um, yeah, find someone who will also be, That positive internal voice, right, allowing you to just go there and do it despite of your family's fear. We are in 2024 now, so you should do what makes you happy.

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[00:31:17] Natalie: They want to grow personally and they want to grow professionally and chase their dreams.

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[00:31:39] Amy: So, pay close attention and work and be intentional on your profile, right? The little bio that you have. Ask people to recommend you so that you can get some testimonial from them. Ask people to endorse your skills as well. And make sure that your LinkedIn is wrote in a way that will catch the attention of recruiters from the future job that you are looking for.

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[00:32:42] Amy: And another question to ask that I love asking and people always forget is who do you think I should talk to right now? Someone that you think who could help me out, right? So please use LinkedIn. Another one will be to straighten your personal brand because nowaday there are so many different networking events.

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[00:33:31] Amy: Based on different areas and share it with people when you have opportunities arising another good one as well is find a passion project if you feel that. You have experience missing in the field that you would like to work in, find a passion project because it will allow you to build credibility and invest in events, in courses, in certification, because everything is evolving so fast nowadays that educating yourself is so essential.

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[00:34:44] Amy: And more assertive, because when you look at it, there are so many men, when you see A job description, they will have only half of the qualification. They will still apply and some of them will actually have the job, right? Whereas as women, most of the time, if we see that we have 90 percent of it, we will not apply because we will say, Oh, I'm not qualified.

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[00:35:32] Amy: So you never know. It is really important. But the second mentor that for me is also key is to have someone with shared intersectionality with you. Because when you do so, you don't have to explain your realities. Because you have shared experiences and thanks to that you will create an emotional bond.

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[00:36:13] Natalie: Finding a white male mentor. I've never heard that advice before, but it makes so much sense. Yes. And I think it's really important, you know, for some people, there's trauma there, and it's important to realize, though, There are also people who have privilege that are willing to open the door for you.

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[00:36:54] Natalie: A lot of them are very open and willing and desirous of helping you along in your journey, but we have to ask. And sometimes we just assume, oh, well, that's a person who has privileges. I'm not going to ask them. It really, that's a limiting belief that you're thinking like, I'm not good enough to approach them.

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[00:37:31] Natalie: Women. Racialized women, just in general, how do we kind of shake up the status quo and how do we disrupt? It's really hard to disrupt and create change all on your own. You always have to tap back into power to truly make things different. So tap into the people who have power and then shake things up because now you have them kind of backing you.

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[00:38:10] Amy: ease,

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[00:38:11] Natalie: You just know that they understand you could all just kind of come together and it's a safe space and it, there's really nothing like it. I was just at a conference, I think last week, and it's like, I'm I think this conference had about 200, 250 people, and there was, you know, about eight, maybe, I would say like eight to ten Black women there, okay?

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[00:38:52] Natalie: So for us, it wasn't just the fact that we were Black, it's the fact that we were Black, and we were Black women, and then there's other layers to it. Some of them were Black, Women who are also mothers and just, you know, so we're black women who are immigrants, like just all of those different intersectionalities can really help you to feel seen and to feel supported as you're going through your journey because the journeys are not always easy, right?

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[00:39:33] Natalie: And this directly relates back to when we talk about relationships and well being. If you are surrounded by people that can uplift you, support you, be there for you, as you're going through different areas of life, not just career, you want to know that maybe someone at work, you can actually talk to them about something that's Personal because guess what our life doesn't just play work and personal and keep everything separate.

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[00:40:13] Natalie: Knowledge is power, right? Of really of how we can kind of navigate the career space.

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[00:40:19] Natalie: We're gonna transition to rapid fire. So I hope you're ready. Okay, so, easy question to start, savory or sweet? Sweet. Really?

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[00:40:41] Natalie: Okay. What is one of the best books that you've ever read?

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[00:41:05] Natalie: I'm going to put that in the link. That's I will teach you to be rich by Ramit Sethi.

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[00:41:12] Amy: I have different one, but I love spending quality time with my friend with good music and good food. This is a trio for me. Good food, good people, good music.

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[00:41:36] Amy: Ooh, a healthy life in three words. Sun, I'm a sun baby, I need the sun.

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[00:42:07] Natalie: And as you think, I don't know if this is going to help or not. As you think of your healthy life, think of what it means to be well. So, Consider wellness or well being within that healthy life. So it's almost like a wealthy life. I might change it to that. What, what would that third word be?

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[00:42:51] Amy: Sun makes me happy. Brings a lot of happiness. So, yeah, but then I might come back to you and message you tomorrow and say, Hey,

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[00:43:05] Natalie: my free word.

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[00:43:07] Natalie: It's okay. I give you permission to change. It's not going to change on this episode, but in your life, you are free. Always always go with the flow. Life is about evolving and shifting. We never have to stay in a permanent box. There's no handcuffs. We can always evolve and grow and respond to life as we change.

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[00:43:37] Amy: Okay, okay. Thank you. Well, please connect with me. You can find me on Instagram, amy. missy, like Missy Elliot. I always say that Amy is A M Y. Otherwise, I also have the Instagram of my platform, Brown Sugar Talk by Amy.

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[00:44:23] Amy: And yeah, that's about it. Shoot me a little DM or message and it will be a pleasure to connect with your beautiful community.

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